After much consideration, I have decided to keep this blog still open for the purpose of writing down all our experiences from this time in our lives. As challenging as it has been the past few weeks since I completely lost the pregnancy, I have had time to realize that maybe good will come out of this experience. From the beginning of my most recent pregnancy, I knew something was not right. As much as I tried to be excited, I never was. In talking to a really good friend of mine yesterday, whom has faced many challenges in her own life, we both realized that my lack of excitement was probably the spirit quietly letting me know that now was not the time. My first meeting with my OB, when he told me about testing for causes of my conditions during pregnancy, I think he knew from then that it did not look good. What doctor would come out and say, "Your babies will die, so enjoy being pregnant while it lasts." Hopefully none would do that. I just appreciate his optimism and prayers for me and our family through this time. I really like him and I know Sam does too. This past Friday I had my post-op appointment with him and he said everything looked really good. He was very eager to get looking for causes for my miscarriages so he sent me to do some blood-work. Little did I know that "some" really meant A TON! I went to one lab where they took 19 vials of blood, then to another one at the hospital where they took 6. Needless to say, I was pretty wasted for the next day and 1/2. My OB even had Sam go to the lab for a blood draw but he makes me so jealous because he only had to give a measly 1 vial. At least he made me feel better by saying, "I actually felt like telling them to take more, just so I could begin to sympathize." I really didn't mind all the blood though. If it gives us answers, that is the best thing out of this all! I go in 2 1/2 weeks to get all my lab results and also the results from the tests that they ran on the baby. We are trying to be as hopeful as possible.
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I totally know the feeling of something is wrong. From the beginning with Maloree I just knew deep down even after we reached 12 weeks that things were just not right. I have said before its nice the spirit helps you deal with these things ahead of time but when you actually reach that point, nothing can prepare you when you are going through it. It has been such a comfort to know however that the Lord was aware of me the whole time and to have and such neat experiences with the Holy Ghost I couldn't think any differently than the Lord knows me individually and knows the trials I will face and what I need to get through them. I just keep thinking whatever the trial and sacrifice of losing Maloree was, I hope it has not been in vain, even three months after I feel I have learned so much and am a better person because of it. Love you guys, let me know if you need anything.
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